Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
