Yo dont text me then not text me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
