I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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