Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
