Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize