I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
