if i can run in heels then i can drive
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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