I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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