you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
