im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
