Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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