He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
