you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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