it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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