he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
