but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize