she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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