So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
