Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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