Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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