so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just google imaged poop.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
