i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
