Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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