so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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