Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
