ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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