I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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