Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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