both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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