what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize