Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
