Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
