I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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