well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
