if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
