you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
