Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
