I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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