i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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