If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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