I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
