It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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