Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
