i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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