It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
