Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
