I didn't shave. On purpose
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
