I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
