I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
