the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
