I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
