im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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