from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
