Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
