you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize