I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
