Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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