Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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