They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
