They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
