Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
