My balls are so social today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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