We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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