I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
