"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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