Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
