what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
