well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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