I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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