I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
