Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im holly from the hills drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
