Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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